A few weeks later I was still debating whether to file for divorce or find a way to make our marriage work. I was getting all kinds of advice from every different direction and it was very difficult to sort through it all and determine my own true feelings.
I found myself preferring to be alone with my horse, Patches, my two cats, Sunshine and Oliver and my dog, Tucker. I had asked my husband to move out and I reveled in the peaceful quietude of being alone in the country with my animals.
I kept worrying, “Am I letting God down again? I said my marriage vows at God’s altar. I meant my vows when I said them, so am I wrong to break them by filing for divorce?” We had no children, my family was in full support of whatever decision I made, and so it really all came down to “What would God think of me now?”
It was early evening when I turned Patches out into the paddock after feeding him. My inner monologue continued the debate, “Should I stay, or should I go? Will God be disappointed in me if I divorce? Am I being short-sighted?” I followed my horse through the gate to spend time with him and as I turned to latch the gate I heard in a clear, yet vibrating voice, very different from my own, “No, you cannot live among this amount of collusion and deceit. Your trust will never fully be restored. This is no way to live.” As soon as I heard it, I felt tingling spread from my head to my toes. Similar to when I felt the Angels. I knew it was a message for me to follow my own moral compass and do what was best for me. I said a prayer thanking God for his Angel’s guidance and asked him to continue guiding me, promising I would try my best to listen.
After my divorce, I stayed by myself in the country for about six more months. I was beginning to date and enjoying my time as a single person again. My healing journey was very much in its infancy, but I was adjusting well and feeling very proud of myself for adapting to this entirely new life. I began feeling the urge for a change. The urge grew into a knowing. I realized I was being guided to move. It was time to leave the place I thought I would raise my children, grow old, and live out my life.
I found the perfect house…in the neighboring town from my vision. I met my new husband shortly afterward. He lived four streets over.