We married in 2003 and began planning our life together. I had everything I thought I wanted. A husband and a little house on ten acres out in the country where I could see my horses through our kitchen window. I was even working for myself as a small business consultant. A couple years later we were ready to start a family. Or, I thought we were.
One evening I was sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of our house watching the sun stream through the water sprinkler’s mist as the smell of newly wet grass permeated the air. I was waiting for my husband to come home from work so we could head to a family party. I was watching the rainbows the sprinkler water created just above the grass and enjoying the feeling of the light drops of water the breeze occasionally sent my way. Suddenly I saw a picture of a neighborhood before me. I recognized it as a neighborhood about forty-five minutes away from our current house. I saw myself living there. I froze and thought “How would that work? We can’t move there, there is no room.” We operated my husband’s entire business off our ten acres. We wouldn’t have room to operate out of a neighborhood. I chastised myself for even thinking of such a thing. Then another picture stood before me. It was a picture of my husband about twenty feet away from me. Looking at me and then avoiding eye contact with me. We were estranged from each other. We had no connection and we went our separate ways. My heart slammed against my chest. Thoughts race through my mind. “This would never happen! I love him! He loves me! We will grow old together and sit on these rocking chairs when we’re wrinkled and grey!” I shut the vision down just as I heard the roar of the diesel motor on his pick-up truck coming down the road of our property.